Take a deep breath and repeat after us: Self-care is not selfish. You can’t fill from an empty cup, and if we take care of ourselves regularly, we can better handle the challenges and tribulations that life throws our way.
Women are often told we can have it all. The career. The family. The relationships. The community involvement. Sometimes we can become so involved with being someone for everyone else that we can forget about ourselves. But it’s not your duty to minimise your needs for others, and doing so is a straight path to burn out.
Thank you for being here, because understanding the importance of self-care for your body, mind and soul is the first step – and by reading this, you’ve acknowledged that. Now you need to explore what methods work for you, and invest non-negotiable time in looking after yourself.
We know it’s easier said than done, so here are some tips to help you on your self-care journey.
Set clear boundaries
Understanding and being mindful of your personal limits is essential for setting healthy and strong boundaries. It’s important to know your triggers and listen to your body when it’s telling you to slow down.
When your boundaries aren’t clear, it can increase your exposure to stress, which causes your body to boost production of the stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol.
Boundaries come in different shapes and sizes. They can be physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional and financial. Set some time to sit down and reflect on what boundaries you feel comfortable with. You may find it helpful to write these down, so you have something to refer to and remind yourself of.
Some examples of boundaries you may like to start with:
- I will try not to become involved in other people’s personal problems
- I do not have to respond to every text and direct message immediately
- I need to have some quiet time to myself each day
Once you’ve set your boundaries, make sure you communicate them to those around you. In other words, make sure you’re clear on what you will accept from other people, and what other people can expect from you.
If you don’t currently have any boundaries, it might come as a shock for the people in your life when your behaviour starts to change. Keep communication lines open and start small, building up until you reach a balance that works for you and those around you.
Manage your time
A huge roadblock when it comes to self-care is the feeling that there just isn’t enough time in the day. Women tend to lead busy lives, and between our full range of responsibilities, me-time often gets pushed to the bottom of the priority list.
So how do you better manage your time to make sure you can fit it all in? Well, you need to work smarter, not harder – and to do that, you need to learn the skill of time management.
Time management is about consciously planning, organising and controlling the time you spend on specific tasks and activities to increase your productivity and efficiency.
Time management allows us to develop good routines and habits – in this case, self-care. But there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to time management that works for everybody. You need to work out what strategies and practices work for you, and what kinds of motivation you respond to.
Some steps to help you:
Step 1
Sit down and undertake a time audit. Assess where your hours are currently going within your day, and where there’s room for improvements and adjustments. You might like to make this a Sunday ritual so you can create a specific plan based on your wants, needs and responsibilities for the upcoming week.
Step 2
Outline your priorities. There are several tools available to help you do this, including the Eisenhower Matrix and the Action Priority Matrix.
Step 3
Utilise a time blocking tool. Some popular time blocking methods include the Pomodoro Technique and the Alpen Method, but there are also many time blocking apps that can assist you.
Step 4
Avoid multitasking. Women are often considered to be ‘Queens of Multitasking’, but the truth is that for most of us, multitasking actually decreases our efficiency. Doing too many things simultaneously can impact your cognitive ability and leave you feeling less productive than ever.
Step 5
Find motivation. Most of us thrive on a reward-based system and positive reinforcement, and self-care is no different. This is even more effective when your reward is an act of self-care in itself, like a five-minute meditation or a mindful walk around the block.
Experiment with your options and see what works for you and your life. And remember, practice makes perfect. Time management takes a conscious effort at first, but it’s a skill that will make your life so much easier if you stick with it.
Overcome guilt
There’s often a sense of shame and guilt – both internally and externally – that comes with putting yourself first. This is a challenge you have to overcome.
When guilt begins to creep in, just remember that you have been conditioned to feel this way, and it is a temporary feeling. Always remember that self-care – looking after your physical, mental and emotional health – is important. If you’re struggling to give yourself permission, we give you permission.
Remember, too, that the people closest to you ultimately want you to be looking after yourself, even if it causes them some mild inconvenience in the short-term. They understand that self-care is an investment in your future. And if they don’t, then it might be time to start surrounding yourself with more supportive people.
Set self-care goals
Goals are important in keeping us accountable. It’s always easier to succeed when you have clearly outlined objectives.
You’ve most likely heard of SMART goals. If not, these are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound. Now is the time to set some. For example, your SMART self-care goal may be: “I will spend one hour reading a book I enjoy once a week. I will hold myself accountable by blocking out time in my diary.”
You can start slowly and build this up until you’ve found the optimum self-care goal for you – one that’s both clear and capable of being maintained.
Focus on the small things
You don’t have to become the best version of yourself overnight. These things take time. Self-care shouldn’t feel overwhelming – so start small.
Self-care can be simple. It doesn’t need to involve any grand gestures or over-the-top, life-changing decisions. It can be as easy as spending time being more mindful during your day-to-day, such as, being present in moments that matter to you, being grateful for seemingly normal and everyday happenings in life; looking out for magic in your day and taking a few deep breaths when you find it.
Remember, self-care gives you the strength and energy you need to tackle the tasks in your life that seem difficult. Book in your next self-case session with a ladies trip at Elysia Wellness Retreat or some solo time with a visit to the Elysia Day Spa and prioritise your wellbeing today. You’ve got this.
